Last night, during the breaks in my class, I submitted 7 poems for publication. This marked the first time in over a year that I finally broke down and submitted my writing. For some reason the idea of facing another rejection was something I was intimidated by. Last night, while falling asleep, I had the spark of an idea for this poem. It is unedited, in its purest form. It may not be perfect, but that is facing yet another fear. I want things to be perfect before I share them. But sometimes you just have to jump in and do it anyway.
A shadow freezes the blood
Flowing through my veins,
Giving my hand pause as my
Mind dwells upon dark fears.
Hesitation lurks around the corner,
Always there to comfort me with
A pessimistic perspective.
I can't do it. I'm not good enough.
Who would take them, anyway?
You really think it is worth
The monetary prize?
For each thrust from the
Pessimist my mind attempts to
Counter with a quick parry
To drive back this gloomy fog that
I have succumbed to so easily.
This is what I am meant to do.
It is my hobby, my passion, the one thing
That is my calling in life.
I am a writer, not some novice who
Quivers in intimidation and
Cowers in the corner with a tail
Between my legs.
This fear that threatens me daily is
Not something new; it is merely taking
A new form. I have always sought
Acceptance, encouragement, success
And hoped to avoid failure.
It took the form of isolation from intimacy,
Keeping me locked in bad relationships
That never should have thrived.
It took the form of hesitation to leave a job
That I loathed, dreaded, hated
Each day. I forced myself to get up and return
To the grind of a retail void where
Creativity and motivation where sucked
Out and replaced with the possibility
Of becoming a mindless zombie.
I hate the struggle with this fear,
But I know that it is as normal
As the breath I take each moment.
It is there for me to overcome
And push to greater heights. It is His will
That I grow to greater heights
By triumphing over this inner demon
That haunts me at every turn.
Each time I've surpassed the barrier
In the past my life has inevitably become
Better by an unmeasurable quantity.
This will be the same because I know
That God has a purpose for these obstacles,
These fear which dwell upon my mind
And freeze me with doubt.
I will succeed. He has seen it happen
Because He knows me and knows what
I am capable of. He bestowed this talent
Upon me when He molded me in His likeness.
I understand why the fear was placed before me;
If this came too easily I would take it
For granted and gain nothing. To finally
Get past rejection, and my fears of failure,
And become a published author will be
A sweet victory that I can relish
And revel in. I will have earned my place
Among the others before me who have
Earned the right to have their name published
Alongside their writing.
All I need to do is take the first step.
I need to send my beloved pieces
Out for judgment by the editor. And as I
Hit submit I feel peace, knowing that even if
The result is rejection, my will is strong and
In my heart I know that it was all part of
His plan for me. Because I am a writer
And I will become published.
This post is being submitted for consideration in Yeah Write #45. This marks the third week taking place in this exciting contest! Check it out and enjoy reading all 50 blog posts.